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By
Cotton Mather
Parents,
Oh how much ought you to be continually devising for the good of your
children! Often devise how to make them "wise children"; how
to
give them a desirable education, an education that may render them
desirable; how to render them
lovely and polite, and serviceable in their generation. Often
devise how to enrich their minds with valuable knowledge; how to
instill generous, gracious, and
heavenly principles into their minds; how to restrain and rescue them
from the paths of the destroyer, and fortify them against their
peculiar temptations. There
is a world of good that you have to do for them. You are
without
the natural feelings of humanity if you are not in a continual agony to
do for them all the good
that ever you can. It was no mistake of an ancient writer to
say,
"Nature teaches us to love our children as ourselves."
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Resolved ~
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At the
birth of my children, I will resolve to do all I can that they may be
the Lord's. I will now actually give
them up by faith to God; entreating that each child may be a child of
God the Father, a subject of God the Son, a temple of God the
Spirit - and be rescued from the
condition of a child of wrath, and be possessed and employed by the
Lord as an everlasting instrument of His glory. (This
is typically initiated in a church baby dedication service.)
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As soon as
my children are capable of minding my admonitions, I will often, often
admonish them, saying, "Child, God has
sent His son to die, to save sinners from death and hell. You
must not sin against Him. You must every day cry to God that
He
would be your Father, and
your Saviour, and your Leader. You must renounce the service of Satan,
you must not follow the vanities of this world, you must lead a life of
serious
religion."
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Let me
daily pray for my children with constancy, with fervency, with
agony. Yea, by name let me mention each one
of them every day before the Lord. I will importunately beg
for
all suitable blessings to be bestowed upon them: that God would give
them grace, and give them
glory, and withhold no good thing from them; that God would smile on
their education, and give His good angels the charge over them, and
keep them from evil, that it
may not grieve them; that when their father and mother shall forsake
them, the Lord may take them up. With importunity I will
plead
that promise on their behalf:
"The Heavenly Father will give the Holy Spirit unto them that ask
Him." Oh! happy children, if by asking I may obtain the Holy
Spirit for them!
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I will
early entertain the children with delightful stories out of the
Bible. In the talk of the table, I will go
through the Bible, when the olive-plants about my table are capable of
being so watered. But I will always conclude the stories with
some lessons of piety to be
inferred from them.
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I will
single out some Scriptural sentences of the greatest importance; and
some also that have special antidotes in
them against the common errors and vices of children. They
shall
quickly get those golden sayings by heart, and be rewarded with silver
or gold, or some good
thing, when they do it. Such as,
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Psalm 11:10 "The fear
of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."
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Matthew 16:26 "What is
a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own
soul?" (Jesus
quote.)
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1 Timothy 1:15 "Christ
Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am
chief."
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Matthew 6:6 "When thou
prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray
to thy Father which is in
secret." (Jesus
quote.)
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Ephesians 4:25 "Putting
away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour."
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Romans 12:17, 19
"Recompense to no man evil for evil... Dearly beloved, avenge not
yourselves."
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(Mt. 6:33 "Seek ye
first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things
shall be
given unto you.")
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(Pv. 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct
your paths.")
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Jewish
treatise tells us that among the Jews, when a child began to speak, the
father was bound to teach him Deuteronomy
33:4 "Moses commanded us a law, even the inheritance of the
congregation of Jacob." Oh! let me early make my children
acquainted with the Law which our blessed
Jesus has commanded us! Tis the best inheritance I
can give
them.
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I will
cause my children to learn the Catechism. In catechizing
them, I
will break the answers into many lesser
and proper questions; and by their answer to them, observe and quicken
their understandings. I will bring every truth into some duty
and
practice, and expect
them to confess it, and consent unto it, and resolve upon it.
As
we go on in our catechizing, they shall, when they are able, turn to
the proofs and read them,
and say to me what they prove and how. Then, I will take my
times, to put nicer and harder questions to them; and improve the times
of conversation with my
family (which every man ordinarily has or may have) for conferences on
matters of religion. (See:
The
New England Primer, 1996
Catechism)
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Restless
will I be till I may be able to say of my children, "Behold, they
pray!" I will therefore teach them to
pray. But after they have learnt a form of prayer,
I will
press them to proceed unto points that are not in their form.
I
will charge them with all
possible cogency to pray in secret; and often call upon them, "Child, I
hope, you don't forget my charge to you, about secret prayer: your
crime is very great if you
do!" ("Now
I
lay myself down to sleep..." is in: 1996
pg. 17)
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I will do
what I can very early to beget a temper of kindness in my children,
both toward one another and toward all
other people. I will instruct them how ready they should be
to
share with others a part of what they have; and they shall see my
encouragements when they
discover a loving, a courteous, an helpful disposition. I
will
give them now and then a piece of money, so that with their own little
hands they may dispense
unto the poor. Yea, if any one has hurt them, or vexed them,
I
will not only forbid them all revenge, but also oblige them to do a
kindness as soon as may be to
the vexatious person. All coarseness of language or carriage
in
them, I will discountenance.
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I will be
solicitous to have my children expert, not only at reading handsomely,
but also at writing a fair hand.
I will then assign them such books to read as I may judge most
agreeable and profitable; obliging them to give me some account of what
they read; but keep a strict eye
upon them, that they don't stumble on the Devil's library, and poison
themselves with foolish romances, or novels, or plays, or songs, or
jests that are not
convenient. I will set them also, to write out such things as
may
be of the greatest benefit unto them; and they shall have their blank
books (journal),
neatly kept on purpose, to enter such passages as I advise them
to. I will particularly require them now and then to write a
prayer of their own composing, and bring it unto me; that so I may
discern what sense they have of their own everlasting
interests.
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I wish
that my children may as soon as may be, feel the principles of reason
and honor working in them-and that I may
carry on their education, very much upon those principles.
Therefore, first, I will wholly avoid that harsh, fierce, crabbed usage
of the children that would
make them tremble and abhor to come into my presence. I will
treat them so that they shall fear to offend me, and yet mightily love
to see me, and be glad of my
coming home if I have been abroad at any time. I will have it
looked upon as a severe and awful punishment to be forbidden for awhile
to come into my
presence. I will raise in them an high opinion of their
father's
love to them, and of his being better able to judge what is good for
them than they are for
themselves. I will bring them to believe 'tis best for them
to be
and do as I will have them. Hereupon I will continually
magnify
the matter to them, what
a brave thing 'tis to know the things that are excellent; and more
brave to do the things that are virtuous. I will have them to
propose it as a reward of their
well-doing at any time, I will now go to my father, and he will teach
me something that I was never taught before. I will have them
afraid of doing any base
thing, from an horror of the baseness in it. My first
response to
finding a lesser fault in them shall be a surprise, a wonder,
vehemently expressed before them,
that ever they should be guilty of doing so foolishly; a vehement
belief that they will never do the like again; a weeping resolution in
them, that they will
not. I will never dispense a blow, except it be for an
atrocious
crime or for a lesser fault obstinately persisted in; either for an
enormity, or for an
obstinacy. I will always proportion the chastisements to the
miscarriages; neither smiting bitterly for a very small piece of
childishness nor frowning only a
little for some real wickedness. Nor shall my chastisement
ever
be dispensed in a passion and a fury; but I will first show them the
command of God, by
transgressing whereof they have displeased me. The slavish,
raving, fighting way of discipline is too commonly used. I
look
upon it as a considerable
article in the wrath and curse of God upon a miserable world.
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As soon as
we can, we'll get up to yet higher principles. I will often
tell
the children what cause they have to
love a glorious Christ, who has died for them. And how much
He
will be well-pleased with their well-doing. And what a noble
thing 'tis to follow His
example; which example I will describe unto them. I will
often
tell them that the eye of God is upon them; the great God knows all
they do and hears all they
speak. I will often tell them that there will be a time when
they
must appear before the Judgment-Seat of the holy Lord; and they must
now do nothing that may
then be a grief and shame unto them. I will set before them
the
delights of that Heaven that is prepared for pious children; and the
torments of that Hell that
is prepared of old for naughty ones. I will inform them of
the
good things the good angels do for little ones that have the fear of
God and are afraid of
sin. And how the devils tempt them to do ill things; how they
hearken to the devils, and are like them, when they do such things; and
what mischiefs the devils
may get leave to do them in this world, and what a sad thing 'twill be,
to be among the devils in the Place of Dragons. I will cry to
God, that He will make them
feel the power of these principles.
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When the
children are of a fit age for it, I will sometimes closet them; have
them with me alone; talk with them about
the state of their souls; their experiences, their proficiencies, their
temptations; obtain their declared consent unto every jot and tittle of
the gospel; and then
pray with them, and weep unto the Lord for His grace, to be bestowed
upon them, and make them witnesses of the agony with which I am
travailing to see the image of
Christ formed in them. Certainly, they'll never forget such
actions! (Schedule:
weekly, monthly or birthdays.)
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I will be
very watchful and cautious about the companions of my
children. I
will be very inquisitive what company
they keep; if they are in hazard of being ensnared by any vicious
company, I will earnestly pull them out of it, as brands out of the
burning. I will find out,
and procure, laudable companions for them.
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As in
catechizing the children, so in the repetition of the public sermons, I
will use this method. I will put
every truth into a question to be answered with Yes or No. By
this method I hope to awaken their attention as well as enlighten their
understanding. And
thus I shall have an opportunity to ask, "Do you desire such or such a
grace of God?"; and the like. Yea, I may have opportunity to
demand, and perhaps to obtain
their early and frequent (and why not sincere?) consent unto the
glorious gospel. The Spirit of Grace may fall upon them in
this
action; and they may be seized
by Him, and held as His temples, through eternal ages.
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When a Day
of Humiliation arrives, I will make them know the meaning of the
day. And after time given them to
consider of it, I will order them to tell me what special afflictions
they have met with, and what good they hope to get by those
afflictions. On a Day of
Thanksgiving, they shall also be made to know the intent of the
Day. And after consideration, they shall tell me what mercies
of
God unto them they take special
notice of, and what duties to God they confess and resolve under such
obligations. Indeed, for something of this importance, to be
pursued in my conversation
with the children, I will not confine myself unto the solemn days,
which may occur too seldom for it. Very particularly, on the
birthdays of the children, I will
take them aside, and mind them of the age which (by God's grace) they
are come unto; how thankful they should be for the mercies of God which
they have hitherto lived
upon; how fruitful they should be in all goodness, that so they may
still enjoy their mercies. And I will inquire of them whether
they have ever yet begun to
mind the work which God sent them into the world upon; how far they
understand the work; and what good strokes they have struck at it; and,
how they design to spend
the rest of their time, if God still continue them in the
world.
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When the
children are in any trouble-if they be sick, or pained-I will take
advantage therefrom, to set before them the
evil of sin, which brings all our trouble; and how fearful a thing it
will be to be cast among the damned, who are in ceaseless and endless
trouble. I will set
before them the benefit of an interest in a CHRIST, by which their
trouble will be sanctified unto them, and they will be prepared for
death, and for fullness of joy
in a happy eternity after death.
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Among all
the points of education which I will endeavor for my children, I hope
to see that each of them-the daughters
as well as the sons-may gain insight into some skill that lies in the
way of gain (however their own inclination may most carry them), so
that they may be able to
subsist themselves, and get something of a livelihood, in case the
Providence of God should bring them into necessities. Why not
they as well as Paul the
Tent-Maker! The children of the best fashion, may have
occasion
to bless the parents that make such a provision for them! The
Jews have a saying worth
remembering: "Whoever doesn't teach his son some trade or business,
teaches him to be a thief." (
Eze
45:10 ;
Lev 19:36 )
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As soon as
ever I can, I will make my children apprehensive of the main end for
which they are to live; that so they may
as soon as may be, begin to live; and their youth not be nothing but
vanity. I will show them, that their main end must be, to,
acknowledge the great God, and
His glorious Christ; and bring others to acknowledge Him: and that they
are never wise nor well, but when they are doing so. I will
make
them able to answer the
grand question of why they live; and what is the end of the actions
that fill their lives? I will teach them that their Creator
and
Redeemer is to be obeyed in
everything, and everything is to be done in obedience to Him.
I
will teach them how even their diversions, and their ornaments, and the
tasks of their education,
must all be to fit them for the further service of Him to whom I have
devoted them; and how in these also, His commandments must be the rule
of all they do. I
will sometimes therefore surprise them with an inquiry,
"Child,
what is this for? Give me a good account of why you do
it?"
How comfortably shall I
see them walking in the light, if I may bring them wisely to answer
this inquiry.
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I will
oblige the children to retire sometimes, and ponder on that
question: "What shall I wish to have done, if I
were now a-dying?" - and report unto me their own answer to the
question; of which I will then take advantage, to inculcate the lessons
of godliness upon
them.
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If I live
to see the children marriageable, I will, before I consult with Heaven
and earth for their best accommodation
in the married state, endeavor the espousal of their souls unto their
only Saviour. I will as plainly, and as fully as I can,
propose
unto them the terms on
which the glorious Redeemer would espouse them to Himself, in
righteousness, judgment, and favor and mercies forever; and solicit
their consent unto His proposals and
overtures. Then would I go on, to do what may be expected from a tender
parent for them, in their temporal circumstances.
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